Dear Vaseline 

Dear Vaseline 
I haven’t had a pot of gunk that’s meant so much to me, since trying to breed those aliens when I was around 3 

But if I have dry skin, I no longer have to fear, I say piss you to dermatitis every time you’re here 

Lips, hands, spots, I have you to fall back on, I even think I’d rather you, over that fucking Savlon

And I haven’t tried but you’d probably be satisfactory lubrication, no worries though, I’ll let you know if I get a bedroom invitation
So Vaseline

I thank you for the service you provide

And you will always be my little pot on the side

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